penis and vagina

these are drawings for a new series of paintings i am going to start tonight. they explore gender roles and identitiy leaving the spectator to assume their own opinions and perhaps reflect on the things they do every day and why they do them. i dont know its all in the sketch phases right now i can explain this better at a later date.

williamsburg is the mall

i went to the charelston and roebling tea room with my favorite girls tonight. i came home only a little bit drunk and painted nothing. not the word nothing. just nothing. i looked at a wall and painted. this took me 10 minutes. i did not have any cigarettes tonight. i will not lie to you world. i wanted cigarettes tonight. i also wanted to paint some sort of thing. but none of this happened. i will also tell you that by world i do not mean world. only the world that consists between reader and writer of this blog.

i watched the georgia o'keefe movie the other night. i thought it would be interesting to know more about her process being that i am not a big fan of her work. but i should have known it being a lifetime feature, that it would concentrate more on her romantic relationship then anything else. after watching it my eyes still do not like to look at her paintings. i do not like that her work is most often described as "feminine" i am annoyed at the idea that a gender has to be assigned to works of art. there is no point to this.

fucking...
flowers

does that sound like a boy said it?

color

"i could have done that"

"but you didn't

zamir

the left side of your chest.....
is where the heart is

fuck

i am in the process of quitting smoking
i have a patch on
and i sometimes use nicotine gum
i think i have to stop drinking so i don't cheat.
drinking makes me want to cheat on everything
i used power tools today
that helped
i made a small model of my sculpture
that helped
i got annoyed at people on the subway
that didnt help

oh no

is it bitchy to blame it on science?

if i hear about cezanne one more fucking time

sometimes i do not know if i take things too seriously
or not seriously enough
maybe i am absorbing nothing
sometimes i want peoples collar bones to pop out of there bodies for a few minutes

feel like the guy on the left and the girl on the right at the same time
thanks todd sohlondz

random bits and pieces from an old journal

alison built doors for her condo
she carried heavy lumber.
in my mind
she does this everyday
________________________________

i like sitting opposite the direction of a moving train
it feels like im being scooped away
_________________________________
megan is mad
i did not meet her at union pool
i cant get drunk though
i am trying to repair my liver
_________________________________
is it hard to put my head away for 8 hours a day
like when im doing repetitive motions and im being paid for them
this leads to a dead end
__________________________________________________________
i want to change my parts
but still run like the other cars
___________________________________________________________

i hear

i observe everything around me. who doesnt this isnt something revolutionary. for some reason i take it all in and think it to the bone. i dont know why. but these are the drawings that happen. they are just fast sketches in a moleskin. if you take a step back and critically analyze your day to day routine, i think you'll find out that the things you are doing are unnecessary and you are ignoring your mental health because of it. by you i mean me. or you if you think so.