I am a criminal
I have kept souvenirs from my past crimes
I relive these moments
Everything happens everyday

Its rained so much this summer that I think I like the rain.
I don’t know if this is the truth
Or something that happens to your insides when you are used to feeling
damp and moldy
Or forgetting what it feels like to be happy
Or not even knowing if you are happy

Sometimes I think I am only happy in the future,
When I am thinking about the past
Years from now I will think of my life as wonderful
Its what I do all the time
I haven’t had a bad year since I can remember
The only bad years days or months for me are the ones i am currently in.
but..
yesterday wasnt so bad
last week was good too

" In Asperger's Disorder, affected individuals are characterized by social isolation and eccentric behavior in childhood. There are impairments in two-sided social interaction and non-verbal communication. Though grammatical, their speech may sound peculiar due to abnormalities of inflection and a repetitive pattern. Clumsiness may be prominent both in their articulation and gross motor behavior. They usually have a circumscribed area of interest which usually leaves no space for more age appropriate, common interests."

rip homie

my poor brain
today i felt like an american child at the age of 10 for many reasons including a dead ginnea pig named bacon being buried in the backyard.

here comes the rain.

huh

ali documented everything i did one drunken night at 151
ryan manning put it on cookie bomb

here it is

alfie's whereabouts
Alison Zullo

12:22 return from bathroom
12:24 smoking
12:30 return from phone call with reid
12:35 'getting a drink'
12:45 unexcused brb-outside
1:00 cig with reid
1:32 back...interesting
1:51 dancing real hard with cruella deville
"reid from the knee down" best rap song ever
1:59 MISSING
2:06 returned with reid
2:15 returned from other missing
2:35 vertical wiggle spooning yoshi
2:53 missing and so is ld and kristina
2:57 "ran into some friends from the party days"
3:03 "backing that ass up"
3:07 shakin it like a salt shaker-perhaps to the bathroom?
3:17 back from bathroom
something probably worth noting

303

its been weird. and fun. my favorite Colorado boys were in town and i had the best time i have had in a while. sometimes i wish i was still nineteen. i have made a whole bunch of mistakes in the past years but i would not take any of them back. i painted a bunch tonight and finally a painting i have been working on for weeks looks right. it may not look good but its right. it feels good. to add to sort of famous or famous deaths dash snow died. my only memory of him is running around ryan mcginleys apartment naked. i was naked too then but not at the same time. im alive. Ive been sick kind of or allergies. or because of mold in my lungs maybe? maybe i just made that up. its okay i took allergy medicine. i really did have xanax and beermosas for brunch. everyone got "fuck rex" stick and pokes. ali made a tattoo gun out of an electric toothbrush. its so much easier not to give a fuck.

i enjoy personal blogs. blogs with peoples personal work, and their life. it is better then blogs about things. i feel blogs about things are all the same. i see the the tragic pictures of kurt kobain before his death. i see beautiful text, new fonts. photography with too much editing, and i know already that helvetica is loved dearly. i wish i could successfully stalk more personal blogs and read about peoples lives and the work they do. when i come across one of these i bookmark it.
i do look at blogs about things everyday.
dont get my wrong my eyes like them very much


i am excited for the fakeorange event at oak in williamsburg


more details soon

so i have to be sad about every famous person in the world dying

america,
i am sorry for not feeling anything about any celebrity deaths. i realize i alienate myself on a daily basis. i didn't smile at your kids on the street. i dont do anything to help my current situation. i may seem like a coldhearted somebody. the thing is i save all my intense emotions for completely self indulgent times. these times are frequent times. these times are personal times. the thought of grieving with the whole country at the same time makes me feel disgusting.

alfie

you make me a less intelligent person

sometimes i feel like i can only hangout with you if i feel like going back in time.
whats up with that?

i feel weak. i think i don't have enough nutrients in my life. i was trying to remedy this by taking vitamins. the cat is plotting my demise. she knocked over the vitamins and then peed on them. is she co-dependent? did she feel threatened? unwanted? the thing is i have never liked the cat. she knows this. this is why i now have multPEEvitamins instead of real ones. this sucks.

ryan manning.

ryan manning sent me a letter in the mail. i got this letter yesterday. he sent pictures of a blue sky. i forgot the sky was blue. i am serious. maybe i did not forget but i certainly did not think about the sky being a big blue thing that hugs the world. clouds hug the world now. i don't hug anyone
consciously.

oh i dont know anymore

walkin dogs
dropping off resumes
drawing
want to hang with some homies maybe

dizzy and weak

i check my horoscope when i feel desperate.
i check it and think "this is bullshit"
or i check it and think "okay i guess".

when i run into people i have not seen in a long time i usually say "oh you know i have been behaving". sometimes they think i am lying. but they pretend to believe it. i have caught on though.

i had two full conversations on the telephone today and have no idea what i said.

i started to draw on the cardboard. there is no skeletal system for my drawing.

LD said i only dance in geometrical shapes. i don't know what that means but i told her i have a hard time dancing organically. i don't like swaying back and forth.