i should only upload bad drawings. i will only upload bad drawings. i am no longer in any pain. i should be thinking clearly by now. i just watched a documentary called "trinidad" about the town in colorado that has become the sex change capital of the world. i wanted to cry during this but i could not. this is my problem i can not cry. i think i need to. i think my tear makers are clogged. maybe if i was capable of crying i wouldnt feel like i was having a heart attack everytime i woke up. maybe i could figure out why my mom keeps feeding misfit birds in the backyard like crows and geese with broken feet. until then.