today i had a strange feeling in my stomach. it wasn't from taking too many pills or anything. i had a strange feeling like ben blum was hiding something. like maybe he was seeing someone else. last night he came home with a gun?! i don't know what kind of gun but really? liberals? with guns?!? something must be up! had he found a sexy young republican to take my place? was he disgusted by my slightly socialist views on politics? i had to find out. so instead of calling him and asking him "hey ben blum love of my life are you hate fucking republicans and over me", i decided to ditch class for the day and stalk him. don't worry though it was gentle stalking from a far. i followed him to the book store. no girl in sight. i followed him to the coffee place i saw him drink coffee with boys. HE IS GAY? no i don't think so. i almost got caught when he flew by out of nowhere riding his bike so i jumped behind a bush. I LOST HIM this was getting me nowhere. i decided to confront the situation one on one. i know i could get the truth out of him this way.
and this is how the conversation went
ME: ben blum I HAVE AN STD and you are cheating on me !
BEN BLUM: WHAT?! AN STD?!! you are the one thats the chronic cheater!!!! what is it??? hpv? the clap?
ME: its herpes ben blum ! you gave me herpes! who are you having your affair with i must know!
BEN BLUM: YOU GAVE ME HERPES i am not having an affair!
ME:i didn't give you herpes ben blum because i don't have any STDS, i just wanted to make sure you weren't cheating on me love you! gotta go now bye!