so i have to be sad about every famous person in the world dying

america,
i am sorry for not feeling anything about any celebrity deaths. i realize i alienate myself on a daily basis. i didn't smile at your kids on the street. i dont do anything to help my current situation. i may seem like a coldhearted somebody. the thing is i save all my intense emotions for completely self indulgent times. these times are frequent times. these times are personal times. the thought of grieving with the whole country at the same time makes me feel disgusting.

alfie

you make me a less intelligent person

sometimes i feel like i can only hangout with you if i feel like going back in time.
whats up with that?

i feel weak. i think i don't have enough nutrients in my life. i was trying to remedy this by taking vitamins. the cat is plotting my demise. she knocked over the vitamins and then peed on them. is she co-dependent? did she feel threatened? unwanted? the thing is i have never liked the cat. she knows this. this is why i now have multPEEvitamins instead of real ones. this sucks.

ryan manning.

ryan manning sent me a letter in the mail. i got this letter yesterday. he sent pictures of a blue sky. i forgot the sky was blue. i am serious. maybe i did not forget but i certainly did not think about the sky being a big blue thing that hugs the world. clouds hug the world now. i don't hug anyone
consciously.

oh i dont know anymore

walkin dogs
dropping off resumes
drawing
want to hang with some homies maybe

dizzy and weak

i check my horoscope when i feel desperate.
i check it and think "this is bullshit"
or i check it and think "okay i guess".

when i run into people i have not seen in a long time i usually say "oh you know i have been behaving". sometimes they think i am lying. but they pretend to believe it. i have caught on though.

i had two full conversations on the telephone today and have no idea what i said.

i started to draw on the cardboard. there is no skeletal system for my drawing.

LD said i only dance in geometrical shapes. i don't know what that means but i told her i have a hard time dancing organically. i don't like swaying back and forth.

ashtray

i wonder if other people think making out is boring right now this girl tastes like an ashtray. i taste like an ashtray too but i don't smoke. i only smoke if i am feeling sexy. i was feeling sexy 15 minutes ago now i fear that this girl may set my hair on fire. i am sure i put some flammable products in it before i picked her up at the bar. i would tell her but that would mean i have to talk. i guess i should stop this everything is ruined anyway.

5am

alison transcribed everything i did last night. her and cooper wondered where i go all the time when we are out. my theory is a black hole. but i am not expected to remember these things. im going to get new art supplies at pearl tomorrow morning.